all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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