At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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