A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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