it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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