Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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