he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
