I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
