I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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