Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
