Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
