what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
