You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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