Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
