Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
this hospital has no fireball
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
