you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
