Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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