it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
