so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
