Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
