My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
