better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
