Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
