Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
