alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
