The maid of honor just puked.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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