dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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