Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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