when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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