he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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