I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
