she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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