Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
