so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
