Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
