He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
