how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
