is your mom at the bar?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
