i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
