Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
