I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
