god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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