I am puke
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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