And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
