The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
