maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
