Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
