xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
