the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
