Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
