I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
