I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
