I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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