at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
there is glitter all over my balls
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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