I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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