Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
