we have officially lost it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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