one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dear god my vagina.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
