no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
