12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
