he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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