My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
