You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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