White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
