ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
