I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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