I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
