yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
