so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
