i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize