Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
