yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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