So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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