those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
