Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
